Why can holding a grudge can be so impactful?
After today’s presentation, it came to my attention that holding a grudge can be a very intentional act that we do unconsciously. This idea reminded me of how I tend to take a lot of things very personally. If someone close to me is mad, I’ll immediately think they’re mad because of me, or that I’ve unintentionally done something to make them mad. If I get a grade lower than what I was expecting, I might hold a grudge against that professor. Not necessarily because I dislike them but because I am thinking about the grade based on the effort that I put into that specific activity, and I find it unfair.
It hurts even more when there is little to no feedback because that leaves me no option for improvement. However, why should I be hurt? At the end of the day, a professor is giving me a grade because of the quality of the work itself and that grade doesn’t define who I am. People will get mad or be moody for no reason at all, it happens to all of us. So why should I think I am culpable?
I think overly sensitive people like me are very susceptive to criticism or negative emotions in general, and even though I am aware that I need to change this, it feels like such an impossible task because it happens without me even noticing it.
I believe that I need to do a lot of emotional work so that grudges don’t end up affecting me negatively, either in my personal or professional life.
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